Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!

I hope y'all have a wonderful Turkey Day and that you are surrounded by family and friends (who aren't fussing at each other)...I ♥ y'all!  

(I'll be answering e-mails, etc. tomorrow) 

Photo credit: missyredboots from morguefile.com

This is the third in a series of posts.  If you haven't read them you may not understand.  You can find the first one here and the second here.  I apologize in advance for any language that isn't ordinarily used here on this blog.  

In preparation for Thanksgiving we've been trying to do a few things around here.  I may live in a mobile home...but I'm far from trailer trash.  I darn sure don't want to look like I am.  I asked the hubby to put up a shelf in the bedroom that I've had for quite some time...but it hasn't been put up.  Trouble was...I didn't have all the hardware necessary to do so.

I broke.  I can't afford a piece that costs just a few dollars in order to put up this shelf.  What in the *&%@?  Who can't afford a few dollars?  What kind of parent does this to their family?!  These are all thoughts that went through my head.  I can't afford to fix the wall in my hallway, the other bathroom floor that will soon need mega repairs, the damage to the roof where it started leaking....  A few weeks ago we noticed our toilet (in the master bathroom) was leaking around underneath it.  The floor around the toilet had rotted.  We had to fix that.  That and getting a birthday present for Spidey put us a month behind on some bills.  This sucks.

If hubby went back on the road we could easily afford these things.  No more Medicaid.  No more food stamps.  No more embarrassment.  No more tears because I have to tell my kids that I can't afford to buy them a piece of bubble gum out of the machine.  No.  I'm not exaggerating.  Every penny must go to bills, gas...and things food stamps doesn't cover.  Like toilet paper, things to make my own laundry detergent, and other such things.

Please forgive me if I don't join you in your enthusiasm over the new TV you just bought...or your ever-expanding stash of cloth diapers...or the cruise you just got back from....I'm not bitter...just not overjoyed for your good fortune.  :-) 

I know God is testing me...and my faith.  Which has grown exponentially in the last year.  I can't handle much more of this though.  Maybe hubby is right.

"We can do it you know.  Tons of people do it every day."

Maybe we can choose money over everything else.  Maybe we should.  Maybe he should go back on the road....

I won't ever do it (and neither will hubby) but I definitely understand the desperation in someone when they decide that they need to rob a bank, prostitute themselves...or other such things.  I would be lying if I said that these thoughts hadn't crossed my mind.  Especially when I'm facing the fact that without help...I'm facing another Christmas that I know I can't buy gifts for.  I don't care about getting any...I'd just like to be able to give back to the people that have given to me ALL YEAR LONG. 

This is where I was going to divide and do yet another post...but I decided to just combine the two instead...sorry for the super long post but I just wanted to get all this out.  

So...what do we do?  Does hubby go back into construction...traveling all over the country?  Do I go back to raising kiddos all by myself...only to not "know" my husband when he comes home and resent him for leaving...knowing that I had a hand in making the decision?  Do we continue to go down the path we are on...being a drain and feeling the constant pressure of things overdue?  Do I go to work and pay out what I'd make in day care costs...defeating the purpose of working?  Where do we go from here?

I don't know....but all of these sound absolutely miserable.  You know...I don't blame the government either...but they sure don't help matters.

Photo credit: nightfall from morguefile.com

Our food stamps have been reduced every time hubby has gotten a raise.  If he makes much more they will be cut off altogether...so then he's making more money...but we have to spend it on food...which takes away from the total budget.  They say they want to help make things better but they don't.  They want to keep the poor people poor...and the rich people rich.  You want to know why poor people don't strive to do any better?  Because when they do the assistance they so desperately need is taken away because suddenly they can "afford everything in the world".   What makes you think that because my husband makes $60 more a month means that we can suddenly afford all of our bills and the costs to feed a family for a month?  I've heard of being frugal...but if you can feed a family of 6 on $60 a month please tell me how.

The next step is going to have to be a big one.  If he's going to make any more money it will have to be enough to cover food, repairs, etc...because we are going to lose benefits.  When he makes more money he will also lose Medicaid...and we won't be able to get insurance right away.  Even on a construction worker's salary we won't be able to afford private/self pay insurance for all of us...or even just for the kids alone...so we create more medical bills that we can't pay.  Why charge the people with no insurance the full price?  Don't you think that if we can't afford insurance that we might need a break on the bill?  Then they garnish our state tax refunds to pay for said medical bills....

It's a vicious cycle...one that seems impossible to get out of.  I for one am tired of having to choose whether my family stays together or has money to provide for ourselves.  What are we supposed to do?

If anyone knows of some legitimate work-at-home businesses I'd be happy to take a look if you will e-mail me (click on my signature)...but don't send me your affiliate link if you aren't making any money and I have to be away from my kids 23 hours a day to make any money.  Don't spam me.  

Thursday is my birthday.  Yay.  Happy birthday to me.  Happy Thanksgiving to you.  I hope yours is wonderful and filled with family, food, and fun. 

This is a continuation of yesterday's post.  If you've clicked over here and haven't read Money or Family, please click that link and come back.  Caution:  this post may contain language some find inappropriate for children.  Not horrible language...but more than I usually let out here. 

Photo credit: kahanaboy from morguefile.com

I want you to understand that I  don't live in some "high-falutin'" neighborhood...and I don't live in a house that is 10 times bigger than what we need.  We live in a mobile home.  There.  I said it.  I live in a mobile home.  A singlewide.  My house is 16 feet wide and 80 feet long...so yes, it's a large singlewide...but it isn't huge.  The boys share a bedroom.  The girls each have their own room, but more because one of them is a baby than anything.  I don't need her waking up anyone else if she wakes up in the middle of the night.  We even bought a repossessed home (in hopes of fixing it up as we went) to save money.  It has its quirks...but its OK. 

I also want you to understand that while we were blessed with Tinkerbell....we weren't expecting her.  We were taking all proper precautions not to have more children...and had planned for each child to have their own room....we knew that having more children wouldn't be a wise move financially...but God had other plans. We love her and don't blame her in any way, shape or form for any events that have transpired.  All of our children are wonderful and bless us immensely every day.  

I also want you to understand that we have no car payments.  We both drive older vehicles.

As you can see...we don't live "high on the hog".  We haven't created a stack of un-necessary bills that we can't pay.  We just can't pay the necessary ones.  ;-)  We do have a credit card payment that has gone unpaid since all of this started...but that is only $900.

My hubby gets paid salary, but many times he leaves the house at 5-6 a.m. and comes home at 8-9 p.m. after working hard outside all day...so our paycheck never waivers...which has good and bad points.  By the time he comes home and eats, he falls asleep in the chair in the living room from exhaustion.

We don't eat out...unless someone we're with insists on taking us and pays.  We haven't eaten out in months.

I wouldn't have internet if it weren't for the fact that I'm under contract...and if I don't pay they will just take out fees and bill money out of my bank account...money that isn't there.  This would cause other things to overdraft and we can't afford that...but we have temporarily lost internet in the past. 

For one year we have been on Medicaid.

We have been on Food Stamps.

We have had to ask for help on many occasions from one family member or another to help pay a bill.  We just can't do it.

I've had to go to food banks.  Some of you will know and understand what that's like, some won't.  Imagine standing there waiting and hoping that there is enough for you.  Once you make it there you get your little box of food and go home to figure out how on earth you are going to feed your family for a week on what you've been given.  You feel blessed to have received, but you don't want your babies to know what it's like to go hungry.     I can still taste the saltiness of the tears on my face as I came to the realization that I was standing in a food bank line...and had no other alternative.  That I was more dependent on someone than I had ever wanted to be. 

Yes.  I'm a drain on the freaking economy....and I'm sorry. 

My children's school clothes were bought by my dad.

My children's last Christmas was paid for by my hubby's dad.

Today...I couldn't buy a hardware bracket to put up a shelf in my room.  A stinkin' $2.00 bracket.

What other corners can I possibly cut?  

And I'm going to close this post here as I can no longer see through my tears.

More tomorrow. 

Photo credit: billhix2000 from morguefile.com

"We can do it you know.  Tons of people do it every day."

 This is the beginning of a conversation my husband and I had earlier today.  You see...for one year we have really made the effort to put our family above all else.  Above money, bills...above everything.  There was a time when we had money to spare...and we misused a good bit of it.  We spent it on silly things...like eating out and name brand items.  Much of it was used properly mind you...but much of it wasn't.  One year ago my husband was let go from his employment.  One year ago my husband and I came home from Nebraska.  (That's 1200 miles from home) You see...he had been working there.  In construction.  We had gone to visit (after not seeing him but once every few months) and he was released while we were there.  We came home to SC.  He found employment elsewhere...making about 1/3 of what he had been.  I take that back...making about 1/4 of what he had been.  He has since gotten several raises due to his drive and supreme work ethic.  He now makes 1/3 of what he used to.  As most of you know, I don't work.  I haven't worked since Princess was a baby.  We have contemplated my returning to work but if you calculate the cost of childcare while I'm working....it is pointless for me to try.  But any-who.  For one year we have struggled and strained to keep our heads above water.  For one year we've been spitting and sputtering...but getting by.  Today came the straw that broke the camel's back.

Continued Tomorrow...this is going to take a few posts.  
(click there to see the next post)

Ugh.  I haven't been trying very hard.  I did work out a few days last week...then I just let it go again.  I've asked hubby to join me and motivate me.  He will probably try to kill me....he's one of those "You should start out at 110% and run 5 miles a day" kinda people.  He makes me sick...with his losing weight easily self.  Turkey day is coming and I've got to get on this challenge I issued.  Not weighing in today because I have a feeling I haven't lost any...but I could be wrong.  Hope everyone else is faring better than me.  Pretty pitiful.....don't mind me if I have an Eeyore moment here.